The Woodpecker
by imaginary-witness
Summary: Years after they had founded a new home in the recesses below the northern mountains, Levi wakes up to an unexpected visitor but Erwin has a plan to chase it off... (One-short, Canon Universe - Alternative Timeline/Reality)


Pairings: Eruri (Erwin Smith X Levi)  
Ratings: Teen  
Warnings: None.  
Genre: Fluff, Humor

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

Author's Notes: This story was written ten years ago, when I first started to write fanfiction, and was inspired by an actual woodpecker that attempted to make a home in my home. The story was originally published on the site (June 2nd, 2012) I used to write on, but has been erased for several years since the original site shut down and the fanbase for the pairing has lessened considerably. I didn't have the heart to discard the story, so I changed the characters to who I thought best suited the original characters and added some details that would better fit this new canon-universe, but the majority of the writing I left as raw as when it was written ten years ago. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

It sounded fuzzy and surreal. I wasn't sure if I was awake or not.

dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

I smelt crisp, clean air, slightly mingled with pollutants. It must've been one of those rare after-showers where everything seems light grey and misty; my favorite weather living at the base of the mountains. We had come to call this location, a small alcove in the forest at the base of the mountains, home for the last five years. When we retired, Erwin wanted to get as far away from the walls as possible, 'to never see the sight of them again.' We searched for months, travelling out and camping in all directions, until one day we stumbled upon this area of the forest, and it was just perfect. The fresh air immediately won me over, and there was a stream that ran nearby, crystal clear and cool from further up the mountain. Inside the walls never had this purity, this cleanliness. I inhaled and sighed in my comfy nest of blankets and pillows, enjoying the tranquil morning-

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

My eyes shot open. That was beginning to get really irritating. I was about to get up and ask Erwin what is was that was making such a loud tirade of noises when I heard him outside.

"Get out! Oh c'mon, get going!" he seemed to be trying to rid the awful sound maker. I got up, crawled across the bed towards the window that faced East and peeked out of the curtains. Erwin was outside staring at something at the side of the house, the side that was behind our headboard and was making that irritable-

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

Erwin threw his hands up and caught me giggling in the widow at his exasperation. He smiled lightly and began walking upwards the house, knowing that I would be too stubborn to get my crutches so I could come down. I dove back under the warm covers, knowing that he would be inside at any moment, and would most likely attempt to stick his freezing hands under the blankets to playfully get back at me for laughing at him.

"We have a guest." he announced, entering our bedroom and kicking his shoes off on under his chair. Erwin always had this weird habit of having this cute, cabin-looking chair beside the bedroom door to put his shoes under, shirt over, and pants on. Which was what he did at this very moment. I assumed it was a habit since his days in the military; even before he was Commander, Erwin had a chair to place his uniform on to keep from wrinkling and smelling too offensively, in the case that he wouldn't have the time to wash it. The only difference now was that there wasn't a hook placed up on the wall behind it to hold his three-dimensional manuverability gear. Since we had eradicated the titans, freed humanity from the caged walls, and retired from the military – albeit with several sacrifices along the way, like his right arm, my left foot, and many of our dear friends – we thankfully had no more need for the restrictive, heavy harnesses that we had to wear almost twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for over twenty years of service. It was a relief, knowing in our old age, that our bodies wouldn't be expected to carry the burden of both the physical machinery and the mental weight of humanity with us anymore.

"A guest?" I asked quizzed. My eyebrows rose up and I leaned up on my arms, entirely curious. I let my defenses down in the case that Erwin did still want to freeze me, wanting to know more about our supposed guest.

He got closer and began to crawl onto bed. His hand splayed out across the bedding as he leaned towards me before he pressed his lips to mine. "Mh-hmm." he hummed.

"Who?" I managed to ask in between kisses.

He pulled back a fraction to smirk and gaze into my eyes. "Woody Woodpecker." he replied.

As if on cue, the inevitable Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud was cued, hammering off for several rounds a minute.

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

I groaned and dropped back against the pillows. Erwin laughed as I pressed my fingertips against my temples and rubbed small circles in an attempt to relieve my mind from what I assumed would be the inevitable future headaches.

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

"Go away!" I moaned loudly, knocking the wall above me. Erwin laughed more. "Stop being a dick Erwin." I grumbled.

"Sorry," he chortled. "I won't hit him with anything so I can't seem to get rid of him."

"Don't hurt him!" I cried out, immediately recalling the bird that Isabella – my adopted younger sister had fostered many years ago. "Just make him-"

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

"-stop that." I finished lamely.

I looked at the crossroads of our ceiling and wall. The noise seemed loudest there. "What does he want?" I asked.

"He just want to share our house," Erwin mumbled, his voice a mixture of amusement and concern.

"No, he can find a tree or something..." I mumbled. Erwin laughed at my stubbornness. I rolled over.

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-DudDud-Dud-Dud-Dud-

dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-DudDud-

Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-DudDud-

Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

I rolled back. "Didn't Nile have this problem a while ago? Back in Sina?"

Erwin tilted his head, his scarred chest rose slightly and fell as he breathed deeply. "Yeah, I think he did actually. That was a number of years ago."

"What did he do?"

(Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud)

"Uh, I'm not entirely sure." Erwin wandered over to the large wooden desk that was in the corner of our bedroom. I had begged the man to put it downstairs, out of our most intimate space, but he had told me that I had chosen to love a commander, and a commander he would stay. The desk in his bedroom back home was brought out with us, was probably one of the only things we did bring with us when we moved up north, and so it had a special place in the bedroom. Between 'Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud's', I heard him ruffle through loose leaf pages in one of the drawers. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, and it didn't make sense to me that he would write down a conversation he had with his old friend from years ago. He didn't clarify what he was doing either, and only stood with his back to me in his grey boxer shorts, oblivious to the chilly mountain morning air. As I gazed at his backside, waiting for him to break the silence, I could feel myself growing hard under the sheets. I growled lowly, was beginning to get annoyed.

Erwin found what he was looking for, pausing in his act of flipping through pages, then turned to find me sitting with my arm curled around my knees and my hands holding my head, scowling.

"What's wrong, Levi?" He asked, immediately concerned.

"This bird is a mood-killer," I tried to explain.

To my surprise, Erwin smirked again. "A mood-killer, eh?" He kissed me again. I could begin to see why he was smirking, I had let my knees drop and my hands were still on my face, exposing the tent my erection pitched in the sheets.

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-

We both eyed the ceiling-wall without breaking our kiss. "According to my father's notes on this type of bird, it is best to lure them away somehow. He wrote it can get pretty bad if it nests-"

Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud-dudduddudduddud-Dud-Dud-Dud-Dud

We both groaned and I dropped back again the pillows once more.  
Erwin seized the opportunity, leaning over me, grinning. "Hey Levi?"

I recognized the tone of his voice and nearly burst out laughing from his pizzazz. "Yeah?"

"We fought titans, and yet we're challenged by a woodpecker?"

His question sent me over the edge. I laughed until my stomach hurt and tears streaked my cheeks. He patiently waited for me to calm down. "What, did you have in mind, Commander?"

"Oh, you know," he started slyly, moving under the covers. "Just a pecker challenge, to see who has the better wood." he humped my leg as he said it, rocking to bed and causing the headboard to hit the wall with a thud-thud-thud of our own. I squealed in laughter and delight, unable to contain my laughter at the grown man's idiotic suggestion. And then we realized, it was actually quiet for a moment. We both sensed the woodpecker had paused in order to listen to the thumping.

Suddenly, it returned the noise with a swift hammering of its own.

duddudduddudduddudduddudduddudduddudduddudduddudduddud

We burst out laughing and wrapped around each other. He leant in to kiss me and I held him close to me, kissing his cheekbones, temples, and then finally nibbling on the shell of his ear.

"I think, Commander," I chuckled. "he accepted your challenge."


End file.
